Crack Babys
by Sha-Sha-Shadow
Summary: Don't ask me about my parents sex life beecause I want to know about the day Isabel and I were created even less than you want to know about the day you were created! warning: multiple and crazy parings, oneshots, and OCs, REVIEW!


This story started forming in my mind slightly after this conversation with my step-brother's fiancé, Fai, while we were watch Hetalia together on Net-Flix that went a little something like this:

F- Miranda, do you realize that you are the love child of France and Austria?

M- What the hell are you smoking

F- Nothing just hear me out: you kind of look like France, only with brown hair.

M- Hey, I'm dirty blond!

F- Yes I'm sure you would be if you ever spent any time outside!

M-*stick's out tong*

F- anyways, you just kind of look like France, and I guess in a strange indiscriminate way Austria-

M- I think you mean indescribable, All Might Word Master!

F-*Throws pillow at my head* anyways, you're a very talented musician, you have a very sophisticated pallet-

M- No I don't, I just like good food

F-*Throws couch cushion at my head* You get us lost all the time-

M- okay, that was once and you weren't even there!

F- You realize the next thing I'm going to throw at you is a coffee mug, yes?

M- I'll shut up!

F- You suck at winning fights

M- Because the only people I fight ever fight are a state level wrestler, and the girl who beats up the MMA trainers!

F- *hold up coffee mug*

M-*assumes the duck and cover position*

F- You're favorite hobbies are talking in funny accents, giving tourists false directions, and flipping people off for no god dam reason; you always smell like roses, your mom bakes one hell of a cake, you're very stand-offish and weather you want to admit it or not, basically everything you do has to be turned into a romance novel!

M- …I think you need to lay off the weed while we're watching Anime!

Lol, I have the best step-sister-in-law ever!

But it got me thinking about, and I found that I can describe a lot of people as the love child of two Hetalia characters (and a lot of them are super crazy pairings!), it's a fun thing to think about!

So I decided to write a story documenting the lives of these Hetalia crack babies, as I so tactfully named them!

* * *

><p>Characters in order of how I thought them up: (WARNING! Some pairings are completely outrageous)<p>

Miranda & Isabel: France/Austria

Sara: Germany/Italy

Zane: America/Italy

Kari: Prussia/Japan

Remey: Morocco/Russia (I'm trying not to us too many OCs, but Remey's a 6 foot tall black dude, what was I supposed to do?)

Vivian: Spain/Japan

Grace: Spain/Italy

Jackie: Spain/Romano

Fai, Molly & Celty: England/Romano

Hunter: England/Japan

Dylan & Destiny: Russia/America

Katy: Hungary/Belarus (let us not ask questions!)

Mason: America/France

Alexander & Elisa: America/France

Baillie: England/Prussia

Jasmine: Spain/China

Tyler: France/England

Trent: France/Prussia

Nick: Spain/Austria

Lee: France/Japan

Joseph: Spain/Hungary

* * *

><p>That day Katy, Sara, and I were walking home from school together as usual- seeing as how we all lived pretty close to each other.<p>

"Looks like rain!" Sara replied looking up at the gray sky, pushing a strand of mosaic blond hair out of her eyes. Almost the instant she said that there was a loud clap of thunder and a sudden down poor of large, heavy raindrops that instantly soaked us to the bone.

Katy let out a sheik of delight, and spun around in a circle with her arms stretched wide.

"Come on, crazy bitch!" I yelled holding my jacket over my head as Sara and I ran down the road to my house, witch was about a block away at this point.

I skidded to a stop at the front gate, wet orange gravel squishing under my feet. "You can stay at my house until the rain lets up!" I told Sara and Katy as I struggled to unlock the pad lock clamped around the gate's latch.

"No thank you~" Katy said spinning around in a circle again. "I'm going to enjoy the rain!" she called as she disappeared into the thick grey sheet of rain.

Katy was really fucking psycho, if you haven't noticed that already, that could mainly be attributed to the fact that her parents weren't the two most stable people on earth!

"Austria won't mind?" Sara asked.

I shook my head "Not if it's you!" I replied.

Sara wasn't like a lot of the other children of nations; she was quiet, sweet, and very good tempered- in other words, she was one of the few people I brought home that my mama actually liked!

I unlocked the main gate and the two of us sprinted threw the main garden, only stopping on the front porch to catch our breath before we stripped off our shoes and socks, then I pushed the heavy wooden door open.

We were immediately greeted by the sound of a professional choir singing a Z. Randal Stroope piece. (A/N: look him up his work is A-May-Zing!)

"I'm home!" I called, dropping my bag by the door and placing my shoes at the foot of the refrigerator (A/N: that's the most effective way to dry your shoes, because the vent at the bottom is made to absorb moisture). "And I brought a little stray German in out of the rain!" I replied looking over at Sara who was standing in the middle of the hall shivering.

I heard quick footsteps coming down the hall and then my mama appeared in the kitchen door way breathing a sigh of relief. "Oh, good, it's just Sara!" he replied. "I thought you found another stray dog!"

I smiled a little at that.

"Sara, would you like to barrow a change of clothes?" I asked noting her wet cat appearance. "Assuming you can find anything of mine that doesn't make you look like a little girl trying on her mom's clothes!"

Sara stuck her tong out at me before turning and walking to my room.

"What happened to Katy?" Mama asked as I rung my hair out in the sink.

"She said she wanted to 'enjoy the rain' or something like that, then she danced away!" I replied. "It was quite a sight actually, you should have seen it!"

Mama laughed a little. "Wear are Isabel and Nick?" he asked.

"Well, Mr. Banner ordered all the Soprano 1s to stay after school to work on music, so I assume that's wear she is- trust me, if Mr. Carr hadn't sighed me a shit lo- I mean ton of homework I would be there laughing at them! And Nick is probably teaching guitar lessons!" I replied.

"Could you go close the windows for me?" Mama asked.

"Okay!" I replied.

I walked threw the house shutting windows as I went, when I got to the window that everyone in the house hold referred to as "Prussia's window".

We called it that for obvious reasons, it was the window that Prussia used instead of the door, because he was a freak, an annoying freak.

As I reached out to grab the window to pull it closed when something collided with my head. I staggered backwards and cursed in multiple languages. I could smell and taste blood I had been hit so hard!

"Shit, Prussia, that fucking hurt!" I yelled leaning back out the window to look down at Prussia who was on his back clutching his head.

"Oh really?" he replied. "I had NO IDEA!"

I reached down and offered him a hand up, which he refused.

Prussia and I hadn't gotten along since we had the 'beer' argument during witch he tried to scold me for drinking American beer-because Elisa had snuck a 6-pack from her dad- to which I replied: "spoiled barley is spoiled barley!"- I very narrowly escaped getting smacked that evening!

"Douche bag!" I muttered under my breath.

"You're just mad because you're not as awesome as me!"

"You know what's really awesome?" I hissed. "USING THE FRONT DOOR!"

"Whatever, Molly!"

"Miranda!" I hissed. "There are only three of us, it's not like there are thousands of us, you see me just about everyday, you could at least _try _to remember my fucking name!"

"You need to get laid!" Prussia replied.

"_What _did you just say to my daughter?" Mama was suddenly in the door way. Prussia froze and I tried to stifle my laughter.

"I'm going to go check on Sara!" I said as an excuse to get the hell out of there before the shit really hit the fan!

I climbed up the stairs that lead to the room I shared with my twin sister and older brother.

Our room was a funny room, it was defiantly a room for three teenaged artists, it smelled like a mix of rose and sugar perfume, white jazzmen tea lotion, and axe Alaska body spray, the walls were covered multi colored paint splatters from the paint fight we got in when trying to paint it in the first place and multiple framed pictures of friends and family, there was a guitar in one corner partially obscured by a bed with a green and yellow camo comforter that was tossed messily to one side, an Irish flute lay on the floor amongst the piles of dirty clothes, a pare of half-way worn out ballet point shoes were hung on the wall over a bed with a solid pink comforter, a French horn and violin sat on the tattered couch was in the middle of the room facing the door that lead to the balcony that overlooked the garden, and a pile of sheet music surrounded the third bed (my bed) covered by a maroon and cream striped comforter.

Sara had found herself one of Nick's old soccer jerseys and one of my belts that she tied around her waist creating a tasteful, yet playful mini-dress! She was sitting on the couch petting my dog, a little Welsh corgi named Winston.

"We might want to stay up here for a little while!" I replied shutting my door right before the hostile German scream off started.

"Why?" Sara asked, setting Winston down on the floor and moving to Isabel's vanity. she had picked up Isabel's hair dryer and turning it on.

"You're crazy ass uncle tried to break in!" I yelled over the noise.

"What else is new?" Sara replied.

"Well, my Mama kind of over heard him tell me that I 'need to get laid!" I replied picking up the eyeliner that was sitting on the dresser Isabel and I shared, and began to re-apply, creating my signature vampire/Cleopatra/someone who forgot to wash off their make-up from yesterday look.

"Oh, I think you're right we should stay up here!" Sara replied clicking off the hair dryer. "Should we start working on our forensics project?"

We had to create a physiological profile for a famous serial killer.

"Yeah, lets go ahead and start!" I replied. I waded threw the stacks of sheet music that surrounded my bed to look for my laptop, I reached under my bed only to feel something scratch the shit out of my arm. I freaked out and jumped back, as Nick's cat Luna bolted out from under my bed.

"_Merde_!" I yelled Causing Winston to bark loudly.

"_Cazzo_, that looked like it really hurt!" Sara replied.

"Fuck, maybe we should do Luna the cat!" I hissed. "She's defiantly at least attempted to murder everyone in this house!"

"I don't think Mr. Carr would appreciate that!"

"What ever!" I replied finally finding my laptop. I sat cross-legged on my bed, I patted the spot next to me and Winston jumped up and sat next to me with his head in my lap. "What serial killers do you know?" I asked.

"The Zodiac Killer!" Sara replied. "And the guy that lured women out of their houses with the audio tape of a baby crying, what about you?"

"Jack thee Ripper, The Boston strangler, the guy who preformed plastic surgery on his victims so they couldn't be identified, the Ice Man, Buffalo Bill, Hannibal Lector, and Berry the Chopper!" I replied.

"Um… Buffalo Bill and Hannibal lector were characters in _Silence of the Lambs, _and Berry the Chopper is a character in _Full Metal Alchemist_!" Sara replied.

"Oh!" I replied. "We should e-mail Mr. Carr and see if Berry the Chopper is expectable, it would be cool if we could watch anime for a school assignment!"

"No, lets just do Jack the Ripper, I'm sure there's a ton of stuff on him!" Sara replied walking over and inspecting two of the newer photo's on the wall, taken just after Spain won the World Cup, the first was a picture of me shoving Nick's Spanish soccer league scarf down his throat to stop the gloating. The other was taken just after the first when Nick had pounced on me and had a tried to strangle me with my scarf (it was just a scarf with a purple fleur-de-lis on the edge) while Sara, Kari, and Isabel laughed in the background.

"Alright, lets get started!" I replied opening the search engine page. I typed in Jack the Ripper and hit search.

We worked for around 10 minutes compiling usable evidence when Sara's phone rang, she picked it up and it was very obviously Germany.

I silently listened to Sara's half of the conversation, but I had a very hard time understanding her dialect, so I didn't really understand.

"I have to go!" Sara replied slipping her phone back into her bag. "Tell Nick I'll bring him his jersey back tomorrow!"

"I'll walk you home!" I replied standing up and starching. "I could use the fresh air!"

I walked over to the door and pulled it open only to let in a sultry moan, I quickly closed the door back and turned back to Sara who was staring back at me with wide sliver eyes, cheeks a deep shade of red, and a hand over her mouth.

"A-a-are Prussia and Austria…?"

I nodded slowly. "On second thought, we should really stay and work on the project!" I replied feeling quite violated.


End file.
